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Author: Subject: The Village Comedy Cabaret
John Ryerson
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[*] posted on 5-9-2007 at 08:59 PM
The Village Comedy Cabaret


Hello Fellow Villagers

Welcome to The Village Comedy Cabaret where you get to tell jokes so awful about The Prisoner that you get to help Crack (up) No.6.

Here is your Host and....what else... BOUNCER let's have a big The Village Well Come for...HEEEERRRRRRRES!! !!ROVER!!:

http://www.almaleh.com/art/sallemagritte.htm

ROVER has brought along his favorite all girl team to help out:

http://aprilsbeachvolleyballblog.typepad.com/volleyball_2.jpg

Now let's give it up for ROVER's co-host that other Prison Bear...just making things UNBEARABLE... Mr Waka Waka himself..:

http://www.drinkatwork.com/FozzieBear.jpg

Sooooo on with the SHOOOOOOWWWW!!

Why is No.7 (Columbo) a Warden here in The Village?? Because his jokes are sooo terrible.... How terrible?? SOOOO terrible that he needs......A CAPTIVE AUDIENCE!! BA DOOM!! BA DUM!!

HEY!! The other side maybe smarter than us but we have them out ..NUMBERED!!! HA! HA !

Well you have been great audience but I have to run... like THE BLAZES FIRST CHANCE THAT I GET ...Thank you thank you very much.

The microphone is open (and so is the one in your apartment :) soooo step up and try to Crack (up) No.6!!

BCNU
Tommcfearsom





[Edited on 5-9-2007 by John Ryerson]
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[*] posted on 5-9-2007 at 10:06 PM


Why is No.7 (Columbo) a Warden here in The Village?? Because his jokes are sooo terrible.... How terrible?? SOOOO terrible that he needs......A CAPTIVE AUDIENCE!! BA DOOM!! BA DUM!!



HhahahahhaahAHh, thats funny. Thanks for the laugh.




Be Seeing you.
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[*] posted on 5-10-2007 at 06:35 AM


Okay then...

Two flies on Kojak's head... one says:

"Hey - we're on telly!"

I had a monkey bath the other day... that's where the water is so hot, you step in and say:
"OOH OOH OOH!!! AH! AAAAAH!"

Two cannibals eating a clown - one says:
"Does this taste funny to you?"

What's yellow and sits in the corner scowling?
A naughty New York taxi cab!

What says "Mark Mark"?
A dog with a bust lip!

Hey... someone stop Number Six... he's trying to make a break for it - I've another 25 mins. of quality material left to deliver!

:D

N.7.




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[*] posted on 5-10-2007 at 04:49 PM
The Schizoid Columbo


Hello No.7 (Columbo)

HEY! HEY! You think that we don't know who you really are?? That famous cigar and that dry delivery of that kind of material?? Well here is a Village file photo comparison and sketches drawn by The Professors wife as absolute evidence of your true idenity here in The Village Comedy Cabaret. Take a gander at these:

First the photos:

http://www.totalmedia.com/images/Columbo.jpg

http://i.imdb.com/Photos/Mptv/1123/1001_0670.jpg

Now the sketches:

http://www.peterfalk.com/Columbo%20TV%20Guide.jpg

http://www.sheilaomalley.com/archives/george_burns.jpg

Those jokes you are telling are TOO FUNNY!! Do you want No.6 to laugh himself to death!! No extreme measures.....at least not yet. :) I always suspected you were a double (up laughing) agent.

BCNU
Tommcfearsom

P.S. No.1 says that when you are done here a John Steed has a gig for you at some place called VaudaVilla.

[Edited on 5-10-2007 by John Ryerson]
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[*] posted on 5-10-2007 at 10:39 PM


Don't make me pull out my Schizoid Dog jokes! :D



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[*] posted on 5-11-2007 at 10:45 AM


Mr. Ryerson... all...

You have forced me to find some 'comedy material' I posted on Youtube...

However, I'll leave it for today... you've suffered enough.

Expect a post shortly.

Meantime - carry on as you were.

Be seeing you.

N.7.




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biggrin.gif posted on 5-11-2007 at 09:05 PM
Warning Jokes Ahead


Hello Felow Villagers

No.1 would love more material in his ruthless attempt to Crack (up) No.6.

DDL A Scizoid Dog feature for the The Village Comedey Cabaret would be well...dog gone diabolical and most Well Come. Here is one senario:

Schizoid Dog: "So I Tell No.2 "Hey no RUFF stuff with Nadia"......(sound of crickets)... "Hey is this an audience or THE DANCE OF THE DEAD!!".....(more crickets)

Scene: Room full of various cats in Cabaret with martinis glaring at No.6 The Schizoid Dog in stoney silence.

Schizoid Dog: (On Stage with microphone listening to a sympathectic but delighted soon to retire No.2) No.2: "Don't be to disapointed old chap. After all the name of the place is The CAT and Mouse Club."

Columbo waiting breathlessly for more material ( in fact a whole lifetime we are both lifers and since the whole Earth is The Village where can we hide??)! :)

BCNU
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[*] posted on 5-12-2007 at 03:08 PM


:D Good grief - I thought my material was bad!!!

Careful with those routines sir - they're antiques!!!

:D

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[*] posted on 5-12-2007 at 07:15 PM


You were warned...

Click only if you dare...



:)

N.7.

[Edited on 15-5-2007 by Columbo]




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[*] posted on 5-12-2007 at 09:01 PM


If you keep that up, Neil, even I might start to talk. :D



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[*] posted on 5-13-2007 at 05:00 PM


Effective eh?

:)

N.7.




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[*] posted on 5-15-2007 at 02:17 AM


Hello Fellow Villagers

In the past the type of entertainment known as Vaudavill brought you great acts like this:

http://shortyr19.com/images/bergen.jpg

Now here at The Village Comedey Cabaret we bring you a whole new type of torture....uh...I mean entertainment that we simply call.......!! VAUDAVILLAGE!! Lets have a great big Village Well Come for........ **** CHENEY and his DUMMY!! ENJOY THE SHOW!

http://xenophilia.com/news/cheney_puppetmaster.jpg

http://gammablog.com/gammablablog/im05/03mar/19/bush-cheney-puppet03.jpg

http://www.bartcop.com/cheney-puppets.jpg

BCNU
Tommcfearsom

P.S. Let us know what you think of the act folks it is only showing thru January of 2009 or due to cancelation by Impeachment which ever comes first.
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[*] posted on 5-15-2007 at 07:40 AM


You don't know what torture is until you've seen this...



:D

N.7.




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[*] posted on 5-16-2007 at 02:16 AM
And The Crowd Goes Wild


Hello No.7(Columbo)

So far we want you to know that we here at The Village Comedey Cabaret have really appreciated your efforts to Crack(up) No.6. So much so that we think that you and your jokes deserve your own special platform. Here is your platform:

http://mshistory.k12.ms.us/features/feature57/images/hanging_L.jpg

You will notice that so that everyone is Living In Harmony here at the Cabaret that we have a dress code so be sure to wear that extra special neck tie when you drop down ......I mean by. :)

BCNU
Tommcfearsom
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[*] posted on 5-16-2007 at 06:11 AM


I like it... and I think at tha height, the roten fruit that is thrown can't reach!

;D

N.7.




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[*] posted on 5-16-2007 at 07:19 PM
The Master


Hello No.7(Columbo)

I think we in The Village have a great deal to worry about with you as a Warden as there is no doubt you are a master of disguise. I know this revisits some familiar material but the conclusions are unmistakeable. The only defence that I can think of is a complete ban on smoking in The Village as the cigar is a dead give away. On the other hand given the awful jokes involved here maybe if we just have pass word starting with "Why did the chicken cross the road........?" This was the only other question known to make The General go Ka Boom (Da Boom). Here are the only known Village file sketches of you in your various disguises:

http://www.peterfalk.com/Columbo%20TV%20Guide.jpg

http://www.sheilaomalley.com/archives/george_burns.jpg

http://www.georgejgoodstadt.com/goodstadt/t/marx_brothers_thumb.jpg

http://www.georgejgoodstadt.com/goodstadt/hf.dca?nf=103

BCNU
Tommcfearsom :)

P.S. I did find one more Village file photo of you involving you in diguise in The Chimes Of Big Ben fiasco. Here is The Village file photo:

http://www.ma.hu/images/2006/11/Harold_Lloyd_Help.jpg

P.S.S. Here is one more Village file photo of you winning the Kosho championship:

http://classicfilmpreview.com/images/freshman2.jpg


[Edited on 5-16-2007 by John Ryerson]
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[*] posted on 5-16-2007 at 10:45 PM


Yep that's me... but fancy me getting an Easter Egg as a prize... it was in November too - AND it was unwrapped - hardly hygienic eh?

:D

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[*] posted on 5-17-2007 at 12:35 AM
The Bomb


Hello Fellow Villagers

I think I have the joke that will have No.6 wimpering to make it all stop. Here we go:

What do you get when you cross....

A.)..a Grandfather Clock with...

http://www.ckbproducts.com/images/Edward-Meyer-Grandfather-Clock.jpg

B.)....with steroids...

http://www.wayodd.com/funny-pictures2/funny-pictures-steroids-naahhh-0q5.jpg

C.)....and Ben Hur?!!

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/MMPH/250242~Ben-Hur-Posters.jpg

&D.) !!!THE CHIMES OF a BIG BEN!!!

http://www.lifeinlegacy.com/2006/0728/RichmondKen.jpg

YUK!! YUK!! YUK!!

BCNU
Tommcfearsom :D

P.S. Hello No.7 You are sooooo right on how old my jokes are in fact here is rare Village file photo of my taking delivery on the first part of this joke.

http://www.laurel-and-hardy.com/html/news/images/auction2.jpg

[Edited on 5-17-2007 by John Ryerson]
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[*] posted on 5-24-2007 at 02:31 PM


Another for you -



:D

N.7.




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biggrin.gif posted on 5-24-2007 at 07:40 PM
The Audience Is Listening


Hello No.7 Columbo

I have figured out that your Comedy Rambles with your adorable pooches are really ways of tracking down No.6 before No.1 finds out that he has escaped. :)

Well I want you to know that your efforts will not go unrewarded as your audience is just around the next bend in the trail and that they are eagerly awaiting to show their appreceation. Here they are:

http://photos17.flickr.com/20997940_81c2d304be_o.jpg

http://vwt.d2g.com:8081/vwt.jpg

We in the Colonies (U.S.) have heard about you excellent comedy skills at The Village Comedy Cabaret and we have an audience that we think is particuarly deserving of a performence by you so we are shipping them over to The Village no later that January 2009. You will find them just an inPEACHment of a crowd. Here is your new audience:


http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y99/ElaineSupkis/culturelifenewssept/gop-cha...

BCNU
Tommcfearsom :D
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[*] posted on 5-24-2007 at 07:59 PM
The Magic Of The Village


Hello Fellow Villagers

The Village Comedy Cabaret has decided to add a little magic to the line up.

Here is the classic Transformation of a Beautiful Woman in a Box trick.

A.) PREEESENTING!! The Woman In The Box!!

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/143/332086502_26c17a7e54.jpg

B.) Drum Roll please!!>>>>>!!(((POOF)))!!

http://www.youthink.ca/reviews/cds/05%20Nov%20CDs/Bloodhound%20Gang.jpg

&C.) Now that you want to tear you eyes out ....Is there anything you would like to confess and we will make it all go away. :D

BCNU
Tommcfearsom

[Edited on 5-24-2007 by John Ryerson]
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[*] posted on 5-24-2007 at 10:27 PM


Good grief - how on EARTH did you get that pic. of me?

Thank goodness I put weight on since that was taken... I was wasting away!

:D

N.7.




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biggrin.gif posted on 5-25-2007 at 03:01 AM
The Village Work Out


Hello No.7

As you know The Village has many luxuries and No.1 among them is The Village Work Out Fitness Progam.

Here is the work out:

A.) When you check in you look like Akebono"

http://www.worldrecordfederation.com/AKEBONO1.JPG

B.) First you get a nice massage:

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/e/ef/250px-SumoAkebono.jpg

C.) Then a great work out:

Step No.1)

http://www.columbia.edu/~xs23/ake/SUMO-AKEBONO-25.jpg

Step No.2)

http://www.columbia.edu/~xs23/ake/akebono.jpg


&D.) Tah! Dah! Now rather than looking like Akebono you look like just BONO!! :D

http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f105/libra67/bono04.jpg

We feel we must warn you though that sometimes the staff at the Hospital can over do our world famous KOSHO WORK OUT with disaterous results like these:

http://www.raf-upper-heyford.org/Sleep_Tight.jpg

BCNU
Tommcfearsom :D

[Edited on 5-25-2007 by John Ryerson]
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[*] posted on 5-29-2007 at 12:05 PM


:D I'm glad I gave up Kosho and took up 'Scrabble' instead!!!

Anyhow... I thought I'd send you even further into despair with my material... read on...

Well, I auditioned for 'Britain's Got Talent' and didn't pass - not surprising given the quality of my material - I know jokes guaranteed to wipe the mile of your face...

In fact, when I told people that I wanted to be a comedian, they laughed - well they're not laughing now!

:D

Anyhow, I took my dogs out for a walk one day, and out of sheer boredom, I filmed part of it with the camera on my mobile phone... and decided to tell some jokes whilst walking.

Now I thought, this ain't bad... we can get some exercise and have a bit of a laugh - and bung it on the internet to share with others.

Hopefully at some point I hope to do this with a 'live' audience - that is, go with a group of people and have a laugh and tell jokes - I'm heavily into 'Humour Therapy' and I can see a potential for this.

But in the meantime - here's my videos - hope you like them... click on each link to view.

Comedy Ramble

Yet Another Comedy Ramble

"Animal Jokes"

"Daft Jokes"

"Dirty Jokes" - caution: discretion advised!

"Nasty Jokes" - explicit language - caution: discretion advised!


Let me know what you think.

:)

N.7.




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biggrin.gif posted on 5-29-2007 at 07:19 PM
Plumbing The Depths


Hello No.7

I must say that I always suspected this. I have finally found the man who writes your material and here is an expose on your partner in comedy material. I must say that you certainly plumb the depths to come up with this stuff. Here is the article giving Voice to these sinister activities here in our beloved Village. :D

http://www.hunter.cuny.edu/news/images/TheVillageVoice.jpg

BCNU
Tommcfearsom
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